"Make an effort to remember (or make a note of) little details like when their little one’s injections are, or when they are getting weighed again if they are having feeding difficulties. And then check-in with them to see how it went." - Jilly Clarke

How to make real "mum friends"

Parenting can be isolating – long days hunkered down in the house, or getting stuck in the feed, sleep, change cycle and before you know it three days have passed!

Making friends, finding people to talk to who are at the same stage as you and who understand is so helpful.

Whilst some people join antenatal classes with the sole aim of making friends, you need to understand that this is a flawed plan. You should attend antenatal classes to get education – and you will then be more likely to find people with the same outlook as you, at those places – i.e. my antenatal classes!

If you didn’t make a huge group of friends at antenatal classes, or if you met loads of people and didn’t gel, or if you simply want to find more people to hang out with, then read on.

The top 10 ways to make mum friends easily

As an antenatal and baby class teacher for past decade, I've had a hand in hundreds of friendships forming during my classes. Here are my top 10 tips for making mum friends.

1. Go to a baby class and make a commitment to yourself to go regularly. Whilst PAYG can be a good idea in theory, making a commitment to go every week unless you really can’t make it, you’ll see familiar faces and get a chance to talk to the same people.

2. Choose your baby classes carefully. Whilst a highly scripted and choregraphed class of 30-45min is unlikely to allow time for friendship building, it can be a fun place to go so don’t discount anything. In my baby classes though, I pride myself on checking in with everybody every week (in a way that feels comfortable – share as little or as much as you like!). When you get a chance to chat in a group, you’ll find that you’ll meet others you can connect with.

3. Be an inviter. Ask people over for coffee or lunch, even if the house isn’t perfect (especially if the house isn’t perfect – we’re all the same!) Tell people you’re going for a walk and invite them along – and don’t feel knocked back if they can’t make it, they are most likely either genuinely busy or nervous.

4. If you’re invited – go! Unless you really can’t make it. It can take a deep breath, some positive self-talk but it really is worth putting yourself out of your comfort zone. And if you genuinely can’t make it, be sure to suggest an alternative day or alternative activity. It’s hard being the inviter all the time and people appreciate being invited back to things!

5. Do things alongside others! Need to go to Ikea? Want to try out a new park? Why not invite a mum friend and make a day of it.

6. Strike up conversations – in the supermarket last week I started laughing at a family at the self-checkout next to me. And I said to the mum, I’m laughing just because I totally understand how you’re feeling right now (as her two kids fought over something!). Not every interaction will create a friendship, but the more we connect, the more chance we have to find out people.

7. Be a listener. Make an effort to remember (or make a note of) little details like when their little one’s injections are, or when they are getting weighed again if they are having feeding difficulties. And then check-in with them to see how it went. It’ll be so appreciated.

8. It’s ok to let the kids run and play, throw out some craft things or pop some toys and babies on the floor. Sometimes we need a break to sit and relax while the kids run/kick off all the energy.

9. Send that message or forward that relatable reel. It doesn’t have to be anything important; it is so nice to get a “let me tell you this crazy story that happened to me today…” message that makes you realize you aren’t the only one!

10. Check out a local mum Facebook group or App. There are often people asking to arrange meet ups, or you could be the one to arrange one.

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